Toddler Aggressive Behavior

What can be more frustrating than not being able to find your words to express your unhappiness, frustration or anger? Welcome to the toddler years and to those moments that are filled with joy and silliness, but also to those occasions when we lose our patience as parents because we don’t know how to help them.

Here are some tips to minimize those tantrums and aggressive behavior:

Create space for child play with books and toys. Teach them of other areas in the house that have “nice things” or “things we don’t touch.” They do better when they know the rules in advance.

Model good behavior by using positive reinforcement and using “nice words.” The less you use “negative” words, the more likely you are to teach them “positive expressions.”

Use your “Jedi powers” and distract them to move on to an-other activity.

Talk for them. When they are kicking, hitting or biting, you can guess what they are upset and use your words to speak for them. That modeling will teach them to use their words.

Supervise your child carefully when she is involved in disputes with playmates. If a disagreement is minor, keep your distance and let the children solve it on their own. However, you must intervene when children get into a physical fight that continues even after they're told to stop.

Instead of fighting, teach your child to settle differences with words—more effective and more civilized—than with physical violence.

"You are so grown up!" Catch your child being kind and gently praise her for appropriate behavior instead of using tactics such as hitting, kicking, or biting.

Time-outs are OK. There's also nothing wrong with using a time-out when your child's behavior is inappropriate.

Use discipline when necessary. If you must discipline your child, do not feel guilty about it and certainly don't apologize. Per the AAP, “Discipline is a way of teaching and a way of enhancing a good parent-child relationship. When you discipline, you should provide your child with praise along with instruction in a firm tone, with the intent of improving his or her behavior. Punishment is a negative, in which you're dispensing an unpleasant consequence when your child does or doesn't do something. Punishment is a part of discipline, but only a small part. Until age three and sometimes later, children simply don't understand the concept of punishment. Setting limits is a much better approach than punishment; most children will respond to clear, calm, and decisive limit-setting.

References:

AAP HealthyChildren.org, Toddler Aggressive Behavior