Twirls, Pockets and Belonging

Reflecting on identity, belonging and parenthood during Pride Month

When my son Logan was younger, he loved wearing dresses.

Honestly, I could not blame him. They twirled dramatically when he spun in circles, were easy to run around in and, according to him, had excellent pockets worth proudly showing off to anyone nearby. His favorite was a bright red dress. Red was, and still is, his favorite color.

At daycare and preschool, some kids would tell him dresses were “for girls.” Most of the time, though, it came from innocence more than cruelty. They were repeating rules they had already learned about what boys and girls were “supposed” to wear.

What stood out the most during those early years was not the comments themselves, but how the adults responded. His teachers and even other parents would gently step in and correct their children. They reminded them that clothes are just clothes, and that kids should be allowed to like what they like.

That mattered to me more than they probably realized.

As a Vietnamese American, I also navigated a different set of reactions within my own family and community. Some relatives worried people would think Logan was a girl. Others questioned why I allowed it at all.

Traditional gender expectations are deeply ingrained in many cultures, including Vietnamese culture. Ideas around masculinity and femininity were often taught very rigidly, shaping expectations around how boys and girls were supposed to behave, dress and present themselves.

At the same time, I can deeply love and respect my Vietnamese roots while still questioning expectations rooted in fear, shame or rigid ideas about gender. Like any culture or community, Vietnamese culture is not static. People, perspectives and conversations continue to evolve across generations.

For me, love, acceptance and belonging will always matter more than preserving traditions that make a child feel ashamed of who they are.

As a parent, I have become much more intentional about the messages Logan receives about what it means to “be a man.” I do not want masculinity to be defined by emotional suppression, fear or avoiding anything perceived as feminine. I want him to know he does not have to hide parts of himself to deserve belonging, including within his own family and culture.

These days, Logan no longer wears dresses, though he still loves colorful clothes, occasionally painting his nails and keeping his hair long. Younger children sometimes innocently assume he is a girl because of his appearance. Older kids, though, often know exactly what they are doing.

One day while we were walking the dog, Logan quietly opened up to me about the comments and questions he had been dealing with at school. Even when teachers or adults stepped in, the teasing would eventually start up again.

As his parent, my first instinct was not exactly mature. I immediately started offering sarcastic and expletive-filled suggestions for what he could say back.

Logan, thankfully, ignored all of them.

Instead, he told me, “Is there something wrong with your brain? You keep asking the same question.”

I should not have laughed as hard as I did.

But beneath the humor was something much heavier. He was tired. Tired of being questioned over and over again simply for existing as himself.

Logan will usually brush things off, but every now and then he admits the comments hurt. What amazes me is that he still refuses to be ashamed of who he is. He still wears what he likes. He still keeps his hair long. He still shows up as himself.

Sometimes I think children have it figured out better than adults. They move through the world freely until someone teaches them they should be embarrassed, ashamed or afraid of being different.

Maybe that is why this story has stayed with me.

I want Logan to grow up knowing that love and belonging should never be conditional. That he does not have to hide parts of himself to make other people comfortable. That he can be proud of who he is, even when others do not understand him.

For me, that will always matter more than tradition, expectations or someone else's idea of who he should be.

Tran Nguyen

Manager, Digital Media Channels